‘‘Twas the night before the night before Christmas
and all through the house is complete and utter silence with the exception of your slow and steady sobs echoing throughout the walls of wherever you call home. A home that once or regularly breathes life from the family that adorns it feels fractured by the absence of your children and/or your partner. This is the reality of single parenting through the holidays and whether you are in a good place with where you stand as a single parent or not o want you to know that you are not alone, we have all been there and some of us still are but in time it does get better as you heal and grow into the amazing single parent you are.
I don’t bring this topic up to invite you to an all-inclusive pity party although if we were to have one I’m sure we will have plenty of whine. Instead, I want to dispel some of the thoughts that have crossed my mind over the last decade as a single dad. I want to share my story so I don’t generalize what you may or may not be going through and hopefully give you some insight to how to look at your current situation. With that being said let’s jump into some sensitive topics that are sure to bring on the feels, I say this with compassion and care; I’m here to talk if you need it. I want to offer all single parents who are having a tough time right now a FREE coaching session, not just a FREE Consultation.
FEELING ALL ALONE
Whether you are divorced, separated, widowed, or never had the support of your child’s other parent; the feeling of loneliness is likely something you have confronted. The holiday has a way however of illuminating that loneliness with a slew of constant reminders from holiday movies that depict a wholesome family unit to the social media posts flooding your feed of the togetherness the holidays edifies. Bottom line is you are allowed to feel lonely and sad during this time and if you need validation for those feelings, I’m giving you all the validation that you need now!
How to feel less alone:
If your kids aren’t with you on the holiday then I urge you to take that time to do something for yourself. Surviving the holidays does not simply mean giving to others, you have to take care of yourself as well. Find a support system or get together with other people who are without their kids or “alone” for the holidays and start new traditions built on the support of others.
If you are spending the holidays with your kids but maybe it’s the first year you are a single parent, it’s again very important to recognize the change and maybe even discomfort in that change. BUT you should not anchor yourself to that pain despite how world ending it might feel. Instead, focus on creating new traditions and taking the time to adjust as a family to the new ways in which you might be able to navigate the holidays. Children are resilient and as long as you are showing them love and compassion you can make the holidays just as special as ever before.
THE JONESES CAN KICK ROCKS!
Hands down one of the hardest parts of the holidays as a single parent can be found in our financial situations. Money is always a tough topic to tackle because everyone’s situation is different and everyone’s needs are different but I think it’s safe to say that as a single parent finances quickly become an area of concern if not intense focus during the holidays.
Things to remember:
- Your children need your love and attention more than they need any new trending item
- Do not compare your situation to someone else
- If you have an ex or co parent that spoils your kids when you can’t, recognize that for what it is internally but don’t fall into the traps of one upping
- Don’t overextend yourself
- Create a budget and stick to it
THE GIFT OF BOUNDARIES
Alright, it is rapid-fire time, there are so many things that come to mind that could easily justify an entire article to address but with all of these topics, the solutions all start in the same place. Create Boundaries that serve you and your family best!
- Stress of negotiation and time blocking- Whether its holiday travel, custody exchanges, or working around multiple schedules you have to create the boundaries that work with you and let things that you cannot control fall to the wayside
- It feels like no one is looking out for you. I know all about the response of I don’t need any presents or just take care of the kids, but I’m here to say that you deserve that same level of focus and attention. Find your tribe that is going to give you your fill or join ours https://warriorofimpact.kartra.com/page/Warriorsofimpact
- STOP Trying to live up to a standard of others or creating the added pressure during a time when there is enough stress to go around, seriously I say this from a place of LOVE and UNDERSTANDING but STOP!
- Doubling down on not adding pressure; If you aren’t ready for it, don’t do it! If you’re in a situation to need that advice then that advice is all you need.
- Finally, we can all use a healthy dose of GRACE from time to time so remember to be kind to yourself.
Michael Rolon
Warrior Of Impact
Michael Rolon is the Owner/founder of Warrior Of Impact Coaching and works directly with individuals looking to find their purpose in life and he helps them make a greater impact. As a Full-Time single Dad and Entrepreneur, Michael is passionate about serving single parents, current and would-be entrepreneurs, and current and future leaders. For more information or to schedule a consult check out our contact page: https://warriorofimpact.com/contact/